My Poodie Princess

My heart breaks. It's almost overwhelming to say, but Poodie is gone.
I have copied this from my other site because honestly I can't go over it again.

Last night, Eric had to take Poodie to the vet to be put to sleep. He stayed with her the entire time. I am sooo grateful for him. He spent time with her before hand, pet her, loved her, prayed for her and then stayed during until she was gone. I could not go because I would be hysterical and I didn't want her last moments to be stressed by worrying about me. She was always in tune with my feelings. I had her since I was NINETEEN years old. (I am 32 now) She was my first baby. She looked after me and loved me through every event of my life. About 6 months she started to not be able to walk. She would go to the bathroom on herself, but I kept holding off hoping (irrationally) that she would get better. She would get shots from the vet of steroids and then we able to walk around a little so I thought maybe... I also wanted her last days to be with me sleeping with her in my bed, giving her steaks, none of that happened. She could not control her bathroom so I could not put her in the bed. It has been too cold for her outside, we had to lift her to move her... I realized yesterday that I was only waiting because I could not handle her passing but by being selfish she was suffering. The last straw was yesterday morning when I brought her in the house she started to pee and then whimpered because she was sorry and I cried telling her it's ok and to pee all she wants and just cleaned it up around her. The poor baby didn't want to do it but could not help it and I could not stand that she was embarrassed and it was painful to see the hurt in her eyes. I told Eric to bring her as soon as he got home so I didn't change my mind. The pain is deep. I said goodbye to her and she was hugging me with her face and whimpering. She knew. She kissed me. We sat there together with our heads pressed together while I told her how sorry I am that she got less and less attention as our family grew and what a good girl she was to me and I was happy to be her mommy. I said I loved her. I kissed her over and over. Once Eric came back from the vet I knew it was over and lost it. She will never come back. I love her so much. I am hurting. I can't really express the empty feeling I have right now but one thing I know is that Poodie is and always will be my princess. She filled the last 13 years with companionship and love for me during my darkest moments and during life's celebrations. Up until last year she was still running around with her wild streak and even in her last days while she was paralyzed and could not move, she would still try and muster a strong bark if someone was near our house so she could "protect" her family. I love you Poodie. Now and FOREVER.

Below: Poodie and I when I was 19

Below: last year before she really started going downhill. She was smiling in this one. :)

Goodbye my Princess Poodie Mama. I love you. We will miss you. Thank you for your love, loyalty and protection. You will always be my baby and I thank you for letting me be your Mommy even though I could have been a better one. Thank you for filling my heart when I was lonely and for comforting me when I was sad.

Your a good girl. I hope you are with my Papa and Grammie because I know they will take care of you.